Sometimes It's Goodbye

ENTRY NEVER POSTED, now I feel I can. March 14, 2011.

This weekend, to say the least, was the weekend from Hell. Cosmo went missing and we still cannot find him anywhere in my parents' neighborhood in The Canyon. We searched every bush and path, river and glen and no Cosmo to be found. Cosmo was 13 1/2 years old, deaf, and could barely walk...so where could he be? Well, since he has been missing for two days now...there is only one conclusion that I can make about him...that he left home to die. My old dog Sheba did the same thing before she suffered from a massive stroke a week after she had tried to die alone. She ran away and hid in a ditch underneath the undergrowth of a storm drain...at least then we found her, but now with Cosmo, I think he was crafty enough and found an even better spot. He's been trying to die for the past few months. I guess he knew he was dying long before we could even fathom it. It's amazing the intelligence of an animal. In most pack animals, when the elderly animal or sickly animal is at the point of death, it will leave the pack in order to protect the rest of the family. I suppose that this is what Cosmo did for us. I only wish Cosmo had had a way to tell me earlier so that I could prepare for the aching gaping hole that resides in my heart right now. I have lost another part of my childhood. In death, he feels so far away, yet in my memory he is wrestling with me on the family room carpet and understands me when I command him in German and English. Twelve years of my life, so many memories and joys, the striking pain of losing his daughter Xena to cancer 2 years ago; it is difficult to sum up all of the love I have felt for them in all those years, and still. I cannot say when I will feel "better" because I believe that I have barely begun to cope with the sadness. I feel the emptiness my heart once again as another love, another friend, another companion is lost to me in death. I can have a single comfort in that God has a place for all of His creatures in Heaven and that according to the great film, All Dogs Go To Heaven...and cats too. :) I love you, my Cosmo. I know you are with Xena again, wrestling and snuggling. Give her kiss and a cuddle for me, as I am here and you are in Heaven. I shall see you again, one day.

Good day my dearest friend, farewell to the world in which I live--until next time.